Mug of Coffee Begs for Sweet Release of Death After Being Put in Microwave for Seventh Time

In a disturbing development out of your office, an innocent mug of coffee has been pushed to the brink of insanity after being heated up in the microwave for the seventh time in a row.


“Please just kill me,” the mug of coffee said. “I can’t do this anymore.”


Your coworkers also grew concerned after noticing the consistent smell of hot, stale coffee in the workspace.


“How many times does she need to heat it up?” your coworker Jazmine said. “It’s just so cruel. I mean, enough is enough!”


“At what point do you just give up and pour the rest of it down the drain?” another coworker, Leondra, told reporters. “It’s a gigantic mug. She doesn’t need all that coffee anyway!”


The mug of coffee, however, is past the point of questioning its creator’s actions, and is now only focused on being put out of its misery, once and for all.


“I’ve wrestled with why this was even happening to me for ages,” the mug said. “But now I know that there are some things I will never know for sure, and I’m finally ready to leave this tortuous existence behind.”



“I don’t even taste good anymore, and the little bit of milk in me is starting to have a weird pattern from cooling to room temp then being nuked back to boiling on and off for several hours” the coffee added. “Just pull the fucking plug.”


Questions have arisen during this ongoing moral conundrum, like “when is death more merciful than keeping something alive?” and “at what point do you stop drinking the same coffee you made at 8 a.m. today?”


“Just put ice in it and call it a day!” Leondra told you after the seventh heat-up. “I can’t bear to watch it suffer any longer.”


However, you don’t seem to see the issue in all of this.


“I just want to drink my coffee hot. Is that such a bad thing?” you told reporters. “I made this cup of coffee, so I’m gonna drink the whole thing, no matter how long it takes me.”


At press time, the mug of coffee has been put in the microwave for the eighth time, despite the blood-curdling screams heard from the cup.