Citing decisions made in her young adulthood as major factors in her current level of overall satisfaction, your mother recently expressed confusion as to why you can’t simply do what she did and use your bachelor’s degree to get a well-paying job in an affordable city, save for a down payment on a house, marry your college boyfriend and eventually send your kids to good public schools.
It just seems so much easier than what you’re dealing with.
“Divide up your money like this: fifty percent on essentials, twenty percent into savings, and thirty percent is everything else,” she told you last week, apparently forgetting that “rent” is already fifty percent of your monthly income. “And aren’t you a little old to be living with roommates?” she then asked, further widening the gulf between her perception and your reality.
She later added, “I don’t think the gig economy is a good idea,” which was as true as it was unhelpful.
“Do you have to be on dating apps?” the woman who raised you recently mused after you called her to ask about getting tomato stains out of satin (not possible; toss the garment). “I met your dad at a Young Democrats meeting sophomore year.”
When you told her you’d rather go down on a pineapple than mate with anyone from your local DSA chapter, she asked what DSA stood for, and you quickly changed the subject. As of this reporting, the apps are yielding mixed results.
Experts say that while many generations have felt that the lot dealt to them was particularly cruel, in your case, it’s actually true. They further confirm that your mom’s idea of what “networking” means is something that literally doesn’t exist anymore.
Your mother reiterated that while she understands that times have changed, her lived experience was what it was, and she’s always going to be giving advice from that perspective, no matter how frustrating it may make things.
“If you want to look professional, you need shoulder pads,” she said. “ Don’t argue with me on this, young lady.”
At press time, your primary female role model was advising your younger brother to “send his new script directly to Marvel.”
