In a story coming out of a barbecue in your parents backyard, your mom cannot for the life of her remember the name of one of your friends, but can hyper-accurately describe their physical appearance, sparing absolutely no detail.
“Who’s your one friend that was at your birthday party last year?” your mom asked, searching for the name of your college roommate who she has known for the better part of four years. “The one who was wearing the powder blue chiffon halter neck dress? Her hair was strawberry blonde with 3A curls?”
You had trouble realizing who she was talking about for a moment because you had never noticed your friend Adele’s hair was strawberry blonde, even though, now that you think about it, it definitely is.
“I don’t know how she remembers all that but not her name,” you told reporters. “She’s able to internalize the most minute detail about someone’s appearance, but can’t remember the one word they introduce themselves as when they meet her.”
Sources close to your mom say that she’s very observant but rarely listens.
“She’s like the opposite of ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts,’” your sister told reporters. “She loves what’s on the outside. Or discussing it at the very least.”
This proved to be true when, moments later, your mom was overheard discussing one of your coworkers whose name she just couldn’t put her finger on.
“She’s about 5’7”, has sharp features, and was wearing rings on every finger except her ring finger…When’s her boyfriend planning on proposing, anyway? It’s been five years.”
Sources amended their previous statement, saying that, okay, yeah, she listens, but only remembers details that she can gossip about later.
“She absolutely has to be fucking with me at this point,” you told reporters. “She remembers how long my coworker and her boyfriend have been dating, information I’m certain I’ve never told her, but she can’t remember her name? It’s literally the same name as my mom. Julia.”
As of press time, your mom couldn’t remember any of the reporters names but did remember which two of them she felt like had a “friends-to-lovers vibe” and where each of them had purchased every item of their clothing and when. She also whispered to one of them that they “looked” like they were going to die on February 17, 2025.
“She called me Chariot instead of Charlotte, though, so I’m not sure if she was actually talking about me or someone else named Chariot,” said one reporter, clearly trying to stop herself from freaking out.
