In a story that will certainly take the psychology world by storm if proven true, your mom is pretty sure she’s found the solution to your depression, and buddy, it’s flowers.
“I just don’t understand what you mean when you say you’re feeling sad but have no explanation,” your mother began this morning on your 8am phone call. “There’s got to be a reason. Is it your job? Your apartment? I’ve got it: You need to bring home some flowers.”
According to your mother, having flowers in the home isn’t just a “great pick-me-up.” It’s also the perfect lifestyle change to combat the scientifically-confirmed chemical imbalance in your brain!
“Martha’s son – you remember Martha’s son – was feeling depressed once,” she continued. “And you know what helped him? Sunlight. Getting lots of sunlight. I think flowers will be like that for you.”
She then went on a four-minute digression about how you should probably stop using your cell phone as much, too, because that certainly can’t be helping.
According to your mother’s research, which consists mostly of vibes and one Washington Post article that you cannot read given the paywall, depression is what happens when your house doesn’t look nice. Sources also confirm that when you initially told her you were going to go on SSRI’s, she said it was “unscientific hullabaloo” and recommended you take a long walk instead.
“You walk into your living room, and you see no flowers and of course you’re going to be upset,” she continued, seemingly unable to use the word “depressed.” “You know what I do when I’m feeling bad, though? I splurge on an orchid. It always helps.”
At this point, you were spending most of your mental energy reminding yourself that she’s just trying her best to help you the only way she knows how, even if it’s pseudoscientific at best.
Just when you’d almost succeeded at changing the subject, your dad arrived home, and he immediately jumped in to offer his advice as well.
“You’re in the dumps, kid?” he started. “Have you tried the flowers?”
According to reporters at the scene, your mom and dad didn’t coordinate before taking the call, so it’s kind of remarkable they both came up with the same solution.
As of press time, you’d decided it would probably be best to give in, considering they were remaining steadfast in their commitment to the flower thing. You told your mom you’d stop by the grocery store today to pick up some lilies and did follow through with it.
Against all odds, it was kind of nice.
