You’re understandably confused about lesbians. Because we don’t talk about them, ever! It’s like they don’t exist to us (except for Ellen!). Anyway, here’s a Q&A about these lady-lovin’ ladies that’ll help you sound informed the next time you talk to one.
Q: What’s a lesbian?
A: A lesbian is a woman who is sexually attracted to other women.
Q: How does a lesbian please her man?
A: A lesbian doesn’t please any man, because she likes women! Lesbians sleep with other lesbians (yes it’s true!).
Q: I don’t understand. If lesbians like women, how does a lesbian please a man?
A: While it must be hard ignoring all the mind-blowing sex tips they read about each month, most lesbians don’t want to please men. They sleep with women.
Q: OK, got it. So then what’s her favorite tip about giving hand jobs to a penis?
A: Probably none. She likes touching vaginas. But I guess if she had to pick, it might be something about lubrication? Everyone can appreciate that!
Q: Totally. My favorite hand-job tip is the one where you use just your middle finger and thumb in an O-shape! Can I talk to a lesbian about that?
A: Lesbians probably don’t care about that.
Q: I love hand jobs.
A: OK. So do we.
Q: What’s a lesbian?
A: …
