The holidays are fast approaching, and with them come the inevitable inquiries from friends and family about the state of your love life. This season, curb your humiliation by inventing the right fake boyfriend to gush over in front of loved ones. Be sure to give him the following qualities, and your family will be swooning over your make-believe man:
1. Fake Name
When you announce, “I’m dating someone!” the usual response is, “What’s his name?” Be prepared with a unique, yet endearing fake name, like Cole or Jason. If you’re not good on your feet, just use your brother’s name. People will be like “isn’t that weird?” and hopefully stop asking you what he’s like.
2. Fake Job
Your family will surely want to know how this boyfriend of yours makes a living. Pick a career that signals financial stability with a hint of social responsibility. Try Financial Banker for an NGO, or if you’re flailing, blurt out “something with stocks. I don’t really get it.” They’ll be impressed without expecting you to know any of the details.
3. Fake Home
Someone is sure to ask where your new beau lives. Make up something close to you, but far enough so they won’t ask to see his house. If they ask what kind of place he has, say it’s a townhouse, or if you’re nervous just keep emphasizing how huge it is.
4. Fake Looks
People will want to know what your guy looks like and may ask to see a picture. Keep it simple by saying you don’t have one on you and he’s not on Facebook. Then go on about his hair for a while. Some adjectives you might use are: brown, thick, and short.
5. Cool Fake Hobbies
For your boyfriend to feel real, you’ll need to give him a personality. Pretend he plays softball on his work team, or loves taking apart old cars and putting them back together, or writes beautiful poetry but is way too shy to ever share it with anyone. If you’re not feeling creative, just say something like books or food.
6. A Nice Fake Family
Families love to hear about other families, especially when they belong to your new lover. So get his origin story straight. Are his parents still together? Alive? Does he have brothers and sisters? How many? In what order? Are they step? Half? What about pets? An easy way to remember is to just make his family exactly like yours.