Juul Labs Pivots to Making Cigarettes

After the FDA motioned to ban Juul Labs products from the U.S., the e-cigarette company has decided to abide by the FDA decision and just make regular ol’ tobacco cigarettes instead.


“We believe that our cigarettes will help people to stop smoking other cigarettes,” Juul executive Karl Malenson told reporters. “Even though they don’t have cool flavors or anything anymore, and they’re also just cigarettes.”


Many Juul users are thrilled with the news of Juul Labs’s latest new product.


“Juuls were my favorite kind of vape, so I was heartbroken when they were taken off the market by the government,” 14-year-old Jamie Douglas said. “But luckily, cigarettes are still deemed safe enough to use even though they cause lung cancer, so I’m so happy Juul decided to go in that direction and I can still enjoy my favorite product!”



Finally, Juuls are back on the market, and all because they decided to make normal cigarettes instead of “e” ones!


The FDA was also happy to welcome Juul products back into the U.S., with the Commissioner giving a supportive statement about it.


“When our department found that Juul sales were directly linked to popcorn lung and Big Tobacco losing some of its profits,” FDA Commissioner Leonard Gorgel said, “we were firm in our decision to ban them in the United States, but now we are excited to welcome the company back with their new American-grown tobacco cigarettes!”


It’s safe to say that adults and teens who vape throughout the U.S. were delighted to hear the news, and all Juul had to do was give the government a cut of their profits.


When asked if the company is doing anything to prevent the sales of Juul cigarettes to minors, Juul executive Malenson gave an enlightening response.


“We thought about donating some of our profits toward anti-smoking campaigns for teens, which is what we were told to do when we were first promoting our vape products,” the executive said. “But once we expanded into tobacco cigarettes, the government told us we didn’t have to do that. They actually threatened us not to, ‘or else’!”


Sources are reporting that as legal weed continues to expand throughout the states, Juul may also look into selling pre-rolls out of a van.