Jen’s Been Hitting The Paint Swatches a Little Too Hard Lately

After months of observation, friends and family are concerned that Jen has been hitting the paint swatches a little too aggressively.


“It was understandable during her remodel, even necessary,” says Eileen, Jen’s friend and neighbor. “But now, it’s all hours of the night. Calling me all tweaked out on colors. She’s just helpless against the powers of the Home Depot paint walls.”


Friends and family struggle with knowing if Jen has crossed a line.


“It starts with a basic Soft Rose or Wild Lavender, but by the end of the night she can’t go to bed without putting a Lusty Amber swatch next to a Ghost Foam and asking me whether they would work well together in the space,” says Jen’s husband, Ben. “What space does she mean? We live in a studio.”



“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found her passed out on her front porch with swatches in hand, wearing nothing but painter’s tape,” recalls Eileen, Jen’s neighbor. “We don’t like to interfere with anyone’s personal business, but why can’t she just put down the swatches and love the real colors all around her?”


Jen admits that while the fumes may be going to her head, her swatching is not the problem everyone is making it out to be.


“I can put down my paint swatches any time. It’s not like I’m hurting anyone else!” says Jen. “Doing my swatches is just so soothing, like watching paint dry, and I love watching paint dry. PAINT IS GOOD, OKAY?”


But according to sources, Jen’s work and personal life have both suffered. After nearly four years working as a corporate attorney, Jen was let go from her firm for showing up to a hearing reeking of paint before trying to tape samples of Nude Lilac to the courtroom walls.


“I do wake up face down in a design board once a week,” Jen admits. “But whatever. I’m an adult! My vision is getting blurry but I’m doing fine.”


After a successful intervention that the family held in an unfinished wood building, it seems Jen might be on track to a better and brighter, if less colorful, future.