In a performance that appears to be for your benefit coming out of Brooklyn, NY, 26-year-old Ryan Lampshire is watching Jeopardy! and answering questions out loud, but specifically all the easy ones.
Huh! Where does his confidence go when it comes to the $1000 questions?
Sources confirm Ryan invited you over to his house to “hang out,” an offer you accepted out of pity. It took him approximately 27 seconds after your arrival to turn on the TV and start answering Jeopardy! questions out loud.
“He started off really strong with the $100 questions,” you whispered to reporters from the bathroom of Ryan’s apartment, where you were taking refuge as he silently watched the $800 questions. “Especially the ones in the ‘Movies’ category. He felt super confident about those.”
Reporters confirm they could hear Ryan loudly yelling “WHAT IS BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN?” from the other room to try to get your attention.
Ryan flourished in the early stages of the “Movies,” “Rick and Morty,” and “On the Podcast” categories, but struggled when it came to “Around the World,” “Stamps,” and “The Bible.”
“He keeps answering a question then immediately looking up at me to see if I saw him answer the question,” you continued. “It’s so much pressure. Like, yes, proud of you for answering correctly, but I’d definitely be more impressed if the question were not: ‘Friend of Rick in the show Rick and Morty.’”
Sources confirm you played along in the beginning and would answer the questions as well, but Ryan kept yelling his answers over you, making it a lot less fun. You slowly gave up, only for Ryan to go notably silent as the game went on and the questions got harder.
“He stopped answering the questions before the contestants and started waiting for Ken Jennings to say the answer then going, ‘Hmmm. Yup. Was going to say that every time,” you continued. “At that point it’s like: I know you didn’t know that one. That’s cheating. You’re pretending to know but everyone knows you don’t know.”
Sources confirm you weren’t initially that impressed by his ability to answer the questions – because you didn’t care that much – but now that he’s made it a whole thing, you’re definitely disappointed by his inability to answer the hard ones.
“Why start all of this if you can’t deliver?” you asked, incredulous. “He had to know the harder questions were coming, right? I mean, that’s the nature of the game.”
As of press time, Ryan turned off the TV 10 minutes before the end of the show and grumbled, “This show is really boring anyway.”
