Most people desire to be prepared for work, but one Republican Senator is willing to enter the workplace completely unprepared to speak to the issue on which he is actively passing legislature. That’s right—Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri absolutely refuses to learn what an IUD is.
Honestly, even we’re impressed!
According to reports, Blunt is devoted to legislating women’s healthcare, but isn’t fully aware of what women’s healthcare actually is.
“He’s hell-bent on hobbling Planned Parenthood, yet he doesn’t even know that an IUD is a T-shaped birth control device inserted in the uterus,” says aide Cassandra Miller. “I can understand having to learn new things in old age, but Senator Blunt just says things like, ‘Get out of my office with that thing, I don’t want to see that.’”
Millions of Americans are awed by the willful ignorance of this man whose vote will determine if women live or die. Wow!
Supporters of Blunt don’t feel his lack of knowledge is a problem.
“He doesn’t need to know what things are to hate them,” 44-year-old Gary Britton says. “I’ve never even tasted sour cream, but any time a waitress puts them on my nachos, I yell at her. That’s my right.”
According to reports, many people have attempted to educate Senator Blunt but he has refused.
“Sometimes I just gently knock on his door and say, ‘Excuse me, Senator, would you like to learn about different birth control options?’” an anonymous staffer shares. “It’s almost gotten me fired like ten times. He really doesn’t care, unless it’s in a context where he can take it away from women.” Now that’s incredible!
Another staffer confirms Blunt’s utter obliviousness.
“He think IUD stands for ‘Inner Upper Diaphragm,” she shares. “But I think he’s just referring to the body part, not the contraceptive device.”
Dozens of other Republican senators support his stance.
“So what if we don’t know what an IUD is?” Senator Marco Rubio asks. “We aren’t even fully clear on what an abortion is and we just totally made up the term partial-birth abortion. Why can’t we do that with long-term, safe contraception?”
At press time, all the Republican male senators were seen texting under the table as Senator Elizabeth Warren spoke on the Senate floor.
Says one senator, “We’ll listen when the topic is something actually relevant to our lives.”
We’re so, so amazed by Senator Blunt’s resolve!
