Amazing! This Social Media Manager Just Described Her Job Without Setting Herself on Fire

After her uncle casually asked what she does for work this weekend, 27-year-old social media manager Dahlia Graham wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but bravely explained aloud, with words, what a social media manager does. What had began as a routine family gathering became the site of an unprecedented feat of human resilience as Dahlia did so without setting herself on fire.


We’re super inspired by Dahlia’s ability to not set herself on fire over this!


“Well, scheduling tweets and Facebook posts is part of it,” she described, miraculously not erupting into flames as the words left her mouth. “But it’s also about tracking social trends and promoting engagement.”


Unlike the dozens of social media managers before her, she did not finagle a makeshift flamethrower from various KitchenAid appliances to end it all right there. But it wasn’t over just like that: Upon being asked what her day-to-day process was like, the English and poly-sci double major smiled, made a sarcastic joke and then—wait for it—she politely answered back.


“We’re the first line of contact between the brand and the consumer, so social media presence is incredibly important,” Dahlia lied to herself, wistfully remembering her senior thesis, “The Post-colonial Poetic Memory and the Rise of (A)gendered Imagination.” Although she briefly dug into her pocket in search of a lighter, she bravely abstained.


Dahlia could’ve done any number of things throughout this conversation. She could have said, “Actually, I’d rather talk about literally anything else in the world than hear the details of how I spent my time uttered aloud.” She could have peed her pants to avoid the humiliation of answering the question. All would’ve been easier than what she did.


“Of course, there are the occasional spambots on the post—but what can you do but delete their comments?” she continued, in complete seriousness, her soul collapsing but her skin uncharred.



Typically, when social media managers hear themselves say the words, “What you’re really looking for is ‘Shares,’” they erupt into flames like that Vietnamese Buddhist monk, but with far less contribution to society. But not Dahlia, who is a goddamn hero.


Want the real kicker? You sure you’re ready for it?


“I love my job,” she said, without a hint of irony or desire to self-immolate.


How does a social media manger retain enough will power to say those words and not, at the very least, hurl herself into oncoming traffic? If only we were all as strong as you, Dahlia! Bravo!