In these hedonistic times, some of the sexiest qualities in a potential mate are restraint and willpower. Sure, you could demonstrate your unshakeable self-control by ordering a salad, stopping at beer #2, or not talking about your idiot ex all night long—but you could try really impressing him by not going after that tempting squirrel running by you right now.
Not trailing that little nutcracker off into the woods can be a real challenge, so here are some strategies for keeping your eyes off the prize—and on the human man you’re on a date with.
Pay attention to him.
You may be tempted to investigate what could be rustling the leaves above you in that tree, but try to focus on the tailless gentleman in front of you. Nothing guilts you to into listening more than when he’s answering a question that YOU asked. So go for it! Inquire about his work, politics, hobbies, and pets—anything that lets him know you’re interested in him, and barely even notice that irresistible white-bellied squirrel posing on the bench over there with ear tufts to write home about. Your homing instinct won’t ruin this potential match!
Look at your phone.
Ever wonder why people are always staring at their phones? They’re trying to distract themselves from those powerfully captivating little nutgrabbers! Next time your restraint is wearing thin, you too can appear stoic and composed by staring blankly at your phone. Maybe he’ll feel ignored and insignificant, but even better, he’ll be teeming with wild admiration of your spartan self-control evidenced by the fact that you are not currently pursuing those bushy-tailed tree muffins. Mmm. You’ll be in his bed and biting his pillow pretending it’s a squirrel before you know it!
Get a dog.
While they can’t hold a candle to a fluffy nutkins when it comes to tree climbing, walnut harvesting, or fencepost acrobatics, closing your eyes and touching a dog is faintly reminiscent of touching a giant squirrel. Plus, when your justifiably titillated dog bounds after those little cuties, you’ll have no choice but to follow! In this way may you indulge your prey-stalking desires. You’re not a woman who was once hypnotized too well; you just care about your dog, and that makes you a catch!
Between these strategies and your steely resolve, you can effectively delay going after those squirrels until the time is right. When your guy sees you seated politely across the table from him, completely engaged in what he’s saying instead of walking steadily and aggressively toward that squirrel burying acorns in the park across the street, there’s no way he’ll be hiding his nuts from you!
