So He Fucked a Mermaid While at Sea. Now What?

So, the man you thought was a gentleman sea captain turned out to be a total pirate. When he returned from his voyage, you found out he slept with some trashy homewrecker of a mermaid. Should you take him back, or should you let this relationship drown? Here’s how to proceed if you’re guy has a wandering eye, and a net:


Don’t Think About the Logistics of Fucking a Fish

Imagining what he did isn’t going to help you any. Don’t wonder if she split her tail fins like legs, during their steamy, adulterous, fishy encounter or if she just laid a sack of eggs and let your sailor husband ejaculate on them. This will only lead to more worry and no imagined scenario, whether it happened or not, will not disgust you.


Realize it Could Be Nothing

If he’s always on voyage and constantly telling you it’s bad luck to bring a woman aboard, you have every right to be livid. But take a deep breath and calm down before you confront him on it. He could be telling the truth. Did the last ship he was on hit a cliff because the Captain’s wife came aboard? Look at the facts before you act rashly and say things you could later wind up regretting.


Understand Why He Did It

Was he inexplicably drawn to a flock of mermaids by their song? Did he give his crew instructions to tie him to a mast, but the ropes weren’t strong enough? The song of the mermaid contains a strong, irresistible lure for men of the sea. Maybe your seafarer didn’t want to do it, but was simply under the possession of irresistible marine magic.



Know That You’re Not Alone

In approximately 5 – 87% of all naval marriages, the husband will have an affair with a mermaid at some point. The statistic is even higher in fisherman, who are more likely to entrap a mermaid in their nets – approximately 6 – 88% of all fisherman husbands cheat with mermaids.


Find Out if There is Emotional Involvement

When she called out his name to lure him out to sea, was it part of a deeper, personal attraction or was she only trying to drown him? Does he have a second sea family with her? It might be difficult to hear, but you have every right to know if he has mer-children living in an underwater mer-kingdom and what their names are and how he communicates with them.


Keep in Mind It’s a Symptom of a Larger Problem

Fucking a mermaid does not exist in a vacuum and could be a sign of a deeper problem within your relationship. You shouldn’t have to worry about what he’s doing when he’s on a vessel if all is well between you. Discuss any weaknesses in your relationship and communicate with him regarding your intimacy expectations. Let your master mariner know it’s okay for him to masturbate when he’s away from you but that it is not okay to fuck sea creatures, no matter how human-like they are. If he’s not willing to make that sacrifice for you, it may be time to move on.


Now that you’ve found out exactly what happened when your sea man put his semen inside this evil porpoise, the next step is deciding if you should forgive and forget or if you should make him walk the plank.