I am one of the most low-maintenance girls you will ever meet. You know, just a “go with the flow” sort of person. Others may say it, but I really mean it when I tell you I am really down for whatever, but if I don’t meet my husband in the next six months I’m going to organize a small riot.
Blah blah blah; anyway, I just wanna have some beers and just hang out, you know?
Most of my friends confide in me because they know how easygoing I am. Whenever my friends are dating a new guy, having relationship trouble, or going through a break-up I am always there to lend advice. I don’t judge, ‘cause I live a carefree lifestyle with no drama! But if my friends ask me about my dating life I will start screaming ‘WHERE IS HE’ and collapse to the floor in tears. I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME. PLEASE HELP ME.
Anyway; just because I want to settle down doesn’t mean I’m “in a rush” or “freaking out” or anything. When I date, I am totally open to all different types of guys. I don’t care what they do for a living, what they look like, or their personality at all, really. I just want people to be themselves. But I do need to know what a guy’s five-year plan is immediately, because if it doesn’t include marrying me, I pull the nearest fire alarm and run away. Each day I am marching closer and closer to death and need to find my husband IMMEDIATELY!!!!
If any of your eligible guy friends are wondering, I am in a good place in my life. I have my own independent life filled with mediation, travel, and exercise and a good scotch at the end of the day. What can I say? I’m a free spirit. At the same time, if a guy doesn’t propose to me after dating for a year I might as well turn into a troll and live under a highway underpass. My mom was married at 28 and if I don’t meet him soon I’ll disappoint everyone I love!!!! I’m not a monster BUT I’D RATHER BE DEAD THAN BE HUSBANDLESS FOR ANOTHER GODDAMN SECOND!!!!
Ultimately, I just walk along this highway called life and see what is in store–but it better end in marriage OR ELSE!!!!!
