I’m all about being a strong woman, but I can’t deny I love dating guys who are way physically stronger, taller and bigger than me. There’s just something so sexy about someone who can make me feel teeny tiny in comparison. Call me gender-normative, but I want a guy who makes me feel small enough to get caught up doing something, completely forget me in his pocket and then destroy me in the dryer.
When a guy is tall, I just love it – the way he stands over me, takes up space and could easily put me in his pocket, then forget he put me in his pocket while he starts flirting with other women. It makes me feel so girly and small, like an itsy bitsy receipt, rubber band or dollar bill a guy could look at and be like, ‘In you go!’ then shove in his pants before shoving in the wash. Whee!
I think we can all agree no matter your take on women’s empowerment, it feels so good to feel that small and that forgotten!
Every woman should be able to experience the joy of getting destroyed in the dryer by her big tall man. After spending a whole day being a real big boss in the workplace, I want to come home to a man at least three times bigger in terms of body mass with a raging insecurity and need to make me feel small. Then I want him to pick me up in his hefty right arm while still having the strength to do other stuff with his left arm, like a load of laundry. That’s right! I might be intimidating Boss Lady in the boardroom, but it’s still so much fun when my boyfriend drops me in the washer by mistake or maybe because he just doesn’t care and I get to go around and around, swallowing Tide pods and getting absolutely shredded by swirly soap water.
Come on, what woman doesn’t secretly love feeling that tiny and helpless?
It’s the same reason we love borrowing our boyfriends’ sweaters and wearing oversized clothes. Feeling like tiny little pocket trash is a feeling of security. There’s nothing that says, ‘I’m being taken care of!’ more than being stuffed inside a man’s back pocket, then forgotten and destroyed in a brand-new Maytag dryer set on “extra high” for some reason.
Not everyone may agree, but I love to spin fast and bang up against a dryer’s walls going, “Whoom! Whoom!” because my humongous boyfriend put me in there for later and then just started focusing on more important things than little old me.
I feel so adorable whenever I’m screaming, ‘Ahhhh!’ while getting destroyed alongside a piece of spearmint gum, a business card for a lawn mowing company and an old dime. I can’t really explain it, but that’s my ideal dating situation and I’m not going to give up until I find it.
