In a story coming out of a Brooklyn, NY coffee shop where three college friends were catching up, 24-year-old Adrian Belsito was overheard saying how much she misses college, even though it was glaringly obvious that what she really misses is taking naps on weekdays.
Witnesses at the scene reported that Adrian listed “going back to bed after a morning class,” “being asleep during daylight hours,” and “Unconscious Tuesdays” as her favorite things about college.
“I didn’t see a single 2 p.m. during my entire four years of college,” Adrian told reporters. “Those were the best years of my life.”
Adrian added that, since graduating three years ago, she has witnessed at least 27 2 p.m.’s – which reporters thought seemed super low for someone with a full-time, in-person job – but she says is “more than enough for a lifetime.”
She also said she missed “sleeping 18 hours a day” and “rising with the moon” which sources agreed weren’t really what most people missed about college.
“I miss living on the same street as all my best friends,” one of Adrian’s college friends, Tina, told reporters. “I think what Adrian misses is being not awake. Which is fine! But I wish she would just say that instead of bullshitting us about how much she ‘misses our time together.’”
“I think I saw her a total of nine times in the year we lived together,” added Adrian’s old college roommate, Felicity. “She was literally always asleep. So, no, I don’t think she ‘misses college,’ I think she misses not having anywhere to be from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday.”
In spite of her friends’ words, Adrian was insistent that she really did miss college.
“Talking with my old college buddies has really reminded me how much I value education,” Adrian said. “I look back on those years and think: man, I had the craziest nap dreams. I’m not sure when after graduation I lost sight of that.”
At press time, Adrian had decided it was high time to prioritize her education – announcing her plans to go back to grad school and get whatever degree had the least amount of afternoon classes.
