I Love Pizza, Which Is Adorable Because I’m Hot

I’ve always been a little different from most girls. Like Taylor Swift once said, “She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts”, and that pretty much sums it up for me, a hot girl who also has some down-to-earth tendencies that don’t take away from my hotness. I honestly don’t feel the need to impress anyone or prove that I’m desirable, in part because I’m generally laidback, but also because I’m effortlessly stunning, which I am blissfully unaware of, making me that much more alluring. But the most alluring thing about me is my hot-bodied love of a cheat day fave: pizza!


Personally speaking, I love pizza, and people love that about me. All those guys on Tinder who promise “Netflix + (pizza emoji)” get an immediate swipe right. He might be my Romeo! Because Romeo is Italian, and pizza comes from Italy. And I love pizza. Have I mentioned that yet?


Also, I’m hot.



You may be thinking, “Everyone likes pizza, how is this a legitimate personality trait, let alone a loveable thing about you?” Well, it’s simple. When you’re hot, people don’t expect you to like pizza. But me, personally, I like pizza. Any gal can eat a salad or Instagram a picture of green juice, but me? I prefer to show that I’m just a girl next door, who likes greasy food and doesn’t give a hoot if anyone knows it!


I like plain the best, but if we’re getting toppings, I am all about pepperoni. Wow! I know. I am hot.


Imagine you see a normal, average-looking girl eating pizza. She is just a person consuming food, which happens to be both unhealthy and popular. But if you gaze right on through her like she’s invisible—look! It’s me, behind her! And I’m eating pizza, too, just like my normal friend, only I’m hot. Wow! Isn’t it cute that I’m doing a normal person thing with a normal-looking person, almost like I think I’m normal too, and not the angel of chill that I am? Aww, hot girls…we think we’re just like you but we aren’t cuz we’re hot!



But seriously, stop staring at me like I’m a work of art! I am just trying to enjoy this pizza, which will not go to my hips or thighs, but instead will simply feed my mystical pizza-eating magnetism. My metabolism is so fast that I usually have to eat two slices just to keep weight on. But honestly, I like eating two slices of pizza! How effing adorable is that?


You may think that this is just another example of how our culture can turn anything attractive people do into a full-blown fetish, even an action as trivial as food consumption, but a hot girl eating pizza is so much more than that. I am more than the down-to-earth goddess you seen, who’s cool with cheap ‘za. I am also pretty into rocking shapeless football jerseys due to the fact that my mom is a former Miss Norway and exercise doesn’t even bother me and I actually love it.


In conclusion, dibs on the big slice! I am hot.