From student loans to credit cards to the bank loans from my failed slime company, my debt just won’t disappear. In order to reach financial freedom, I asked my very Catholic grandmother to light a candle for me. In fact, I told Nana to light a couple candles for me and all of my debt. It was going to take a religious miracle for me to become debt free. But today, a week later, I haven’t seen any results whatsoever and I remain in six figures of high-interest debt.
Is my grandmother playing some sort of trick on me? Or worse, is God?
I’ve gone through years of bill collectors calling nonstop asking when I would be able to pay back the loan on my 2019 slime factory, so when my dear nonna called me, it was like sunlight parting the clouds. My sweet Meemaw listened to all my troubles – she offered me deep sweetness and judgment only an old Catholic lady can possess. That’s when I heard her say the blessed words, “I’ll light a candle for you.”
My prayers had finally been answered! Or so I thought…
When me and grandma got off the phone, I thought I was financially saved. I decided to go on a shopping spree to celebrate my new monetary freedom. The first splurge was supposed to be at the Gucci store, but when I got to the register, my card declined!
But how? Why? There’s just no reasonable explanation for this!
Lighting a candle is a longstanding tradition of Catholic grandmothers that always works. One time I had a stomach ache for a week straight and on the morning of the seventh day, my grandma lit a candle for me. Later that day, my doctor prescribed me a strong anti-diarrheal and I was cured – all thanks to my grandmother’s candle.
I’m not religious, but I still believed my grammy’s candle would burn away my debt, just like her candle set fire to my stomach bug.
What’s going on? This isn’t supposed to happen – my sweet old Catholic grandmother lit a candle for me and debt! The saints must reward my grandmother because of her commitment to Catholicism right? Wrong!
In reality, my dear, little Catholic grandma lit a candle for me, yet I’m still swimming in $100,000 of cold, hard debt. Now what am I supposed to do? Pay my debt off little by little? Absolutely the fuck not!
