I woke up this morning excited to spend the day with friends, but all it took was one swallow for me to realize something was deeply wrong. I had an itty-bitty tickle in my throat, a mild runny nose, and a slight fever. I informed the group chat of my sickness and fielded dozens of texts wishing me well, but then my friends did something so egregious, so evil it sent a shiver down my spine: They didn’t cancel their plans.
What the fuck? But I’m sick! I expected a quiet day of mourning, at least!
So, now I’m home with some sort of 20th century wasting disease and my friends are out, carrying on with the plans they had before I told them I was ill. It’s as if nothing even happened! What happened to “all for one and one for all”? That’s not a phrase we’ve ever used before, but today’s as good a time as any to start!
Sure, it’s not like I cancel my plans when my friends are sick, but that’s different! They would want me to go on without them, not that I’ve ever asked. However, now that I’m sick, practically on death’s door, no one cares to wait by my bedside, holding my hand like a Victorian child riddled with pneumonia? No one wants to cancel their plans to pat my forehead with a moist towelette?
What friends these are!
As if being sick is not punishment enough, now I have to watch as my best buds in the whole world pretend like I don’t even exist, doing fun things like getting lunch and dropping off their laundry. I’m practically screaming for help, but my so-called “friends” couldn’t care less. Sure, they’ve dropped off soup, cough drops, and an artisanal tea from my favorite shop across town, and sent lengthy movie recommendations, but other than that, I guess I’m dead to them!
There’s nothing for me to do but sniffle and wallow and watch every single Instagram story of them running their errands and hanging out. Does suffering know no end?
Also, all of the flags in my window are still flying at full mast. What’s up with that?
I won’t soon forget this. And yes, when I feel better in 24 hours, I do have plans to go bowling with all of them, but rest assured I’m going to be extremely passive aggressive about it.
