In a familiar story out of Boston, MA, 22-year-old Evie Combs is on the cusp of entering the job market and feels apprehensive about her prospects. The recent college graduate says she’s uncertain about the type of career she’s looking to pursue, explaining that the only thing she knows for certain is that she doesn’t want to sit at a desk all day – as all she really wants to do is sit on her couch all day.
“On the one hand, the job market is tough, so I’ll take what I can get,” Combs told reporters. “On the other hand, something about working a nine-to-five sitting at a desk all day doesn’t sit right with my spirit.”
When asked why she felt this way, Combs offered several reasons.
“Aside from not wanting to work eight straight hours in a freezing office cubicle decorated with nothing but a bird-themed calendar from 2019,” she said. “It just boils down to one other thing: upright is worse than down flat.”
“I just don’t want to waste my life working in an office,” Combs added. “I can picture it now: it’s a perfect 75 degree summer day and I’m stuck in a stuffy office, unable to enjoy the sun or engage with the world, when I could be stuck in my stuffy apartment unable to enjoy the sun or engage with the world, but of my own volition.”
Sources close to Evie say she’s always felt this way, even when she was studying to get a business degree in college.
“Evie’s a firm believer that a person should be entitled to choose how they spend their time,” explained Keane Hoffman, Evie’s college roommate. “Even if, for her, that just means spending all day glued to an old, stained couch instead of an office chair. She wouldn’t even go to the library when we were in college. She’d insist upon studying for every exam on our communal futon. She did not get good grades.”
When asked what the difference was between spending every day chained to a desk versus to her couch, Evie explained, “The difference is I’m voluntarily decaying in my apartment, trapped by the metaphorical chains of TikTok, not playing wage slave to some corporate overlord. Not in person, at least.”
At press time, Combs had lucked out and found a work-from-home job that met all of her seating requirements, and was finally able to begin her career staring at her computer for eight hours every day, but on her couch instead of in an office.
