In a story encapsulating the maleffects of the freeze response, 28-year-old Brooklyn, NY resident Liv Bernard expressed multiple times to her boyfriend that she feels like the day is getting away from her, however her only plans to fix that are to sit motionless for the next six hours.
“I can feel it slipping through my fingers,” Liv told reporters while barely moving her lips, the rest of her body as still as a statue. “You probably can’t tell because of how stagnant my body is right now, but I’m, like, so anxious about it.”
However, even though her anxiety is through the roof, Liv says the only thing she can do now is just sit still and hope that does something.
“The slower you move, the slower the day moves, everybody knows that,” Liv told reporters. “The clock should stop ticking any second now…”
After sitting silently and motionlessly with Liv for another hour, reporters were forced to question whether or not her theory had any truth to it.
Liv added that she would love to be getting stuff on her to-do list done right now, but her body just simply won’t let her.
Items on Liv’s to-do list today include: going to the grocery store, working out, showering, making dinner, and watching TV.
In spite of the fact that several of those items are pretty easy, and potentially even enjoyable to compete –– not to mention the last item that she basically just added to the list as a freebie to make her feel like she had accomplished something –– Liv still couldn’t find it within herself to do anything besides sit unmovingly on her couch.
“There it goes,” Liv said cryptically at 4:30 p.m. once the sun had begun to set.
As of press time, however, Liv had seemed to have gained a second wind, and was up and moving and completing tasks with ease.
“Something about the sun being down really energizes me, actually,” Liv said.
Reporters predicted this sentiment would last about 30 minutes before Liv lost steam and ultimately went to bed without brushing her teeth.
