‘I Don’t Need Any New Friends,’ Declares Woman Who Wasn’t Offered Any

Los Angeles resident Amanda Williams has drawn a line in the sand, announcing she “doesn’t need any new friends” even though no one was offering to be her friend in the first place.


After years of schooling and over a decade in the workforce, Williams has somehow managed to reach age 29 without needing (or making) any additional friendships along the way.


“That’s all I have emotional room for, okay?” Williams says. “I’m at capacity!”


Friends and family are bewildered by Williams’ vehemence.



Williams’ boyfriend, Dan Weiss, expressed his confusion. “I don’t know why she’s so worried about making new friends. She’s great but no one’s like, trying to be friends with her right now.”


When pressed about her rationale, Williams explained that she takes friendship really seriously and isn’t going to take on more than she can handle.


Her fear of new friendship is difficult to understand, Williams’ longtime bestie, Claire, confirms. “It’s not like she’s got a ton of money or social clout that people could try and use her for. There’s really nothing they could gain from a relationship with Amanda beside honest-to-goodness friendship. But even so, I don’t think anyone is pursuing that with her.”


Williams remains skeptical, voicing her confidence in her current friends saying she’s “good for now.”


So, what will Williams do if she’s faced with the prospect of a budding friendship? “I’ll stick to my guns,” she warns to an empty room. “I’m not going to let anyone charm me into enjoying my spare time with them so that I’m suddenly wrapped up in a new friendship. Maybe next year.”