‘I Deserve a Little Treat,’ Says Woman Who Has Never Denied Herself Anything

In a thought-provoking story out of St. Louis, MO, Caroline Aguilar decided to set aside work for a moment and say that she deserves a little treat, despite having never actually denied herself anything before.


“I thought I’d treat myself to a McFlurry from McDonald’s after a long, hard day of work,” Aguilar told reporters. “I felt like I’d earned it.”


However, sources report that Aguilar gets herself a McFlurry literally whenever she wants one, and that she didn’t even work that hard earlier in the day.


“She always says she’s going to ‘treat herself’ to something,” said Aguilar’s roommate, Ciara Hanna. “But I honestly can’t remember a time where she wasn’t getting a treat of some sort. I don’t know, doesn’t it stop being a ‘treat’ if you regularly do it?”


When our reporters posed this question to Aguilar, she vehemently disagreed.


“What do you mean ‘does it stop being a treat?’” She went even further, adding: “What do I have to do to earn a little ice cream then? Climb Mt. Everest? No thank you. I’m alive, and that alone is deserving of a treat.”



Hanna later made it clear to reporters that she didn’t have a problem with Aguilar’s current lifestyle choices – she simply worried about where it might lead.


“We’re not rich, so it’s not like she’s dropping thousands on facials and massages and nights at the Waldorf,” Hanna said. “But, I’m just saying that if she could, she would. So, for now, it’s McFlurries and $10 coffees, but where does it stop?”


In spite of the worries voiced by those closest to her, Aguilar said she isn’t looking to make any lifestyle changes in the foreseeable future and offered reporters some insight into where her philosophy of never not treating herself stems from.


“When Ariana Grande was like, ‘I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it’ – that really resonated with me,” she said. “But instead of matching diamonds with six of my bitches, it’s a big cookie, alone.”


She proceeded to open up a bit more, adding:


“Honestly, self-discipline is a foreign and frightening concept. What am I, a monk?”


At press time, Aguilar was visibly restless, and was overhead stating, “Every time the sun starts to set, I need to get myself a little treat or I’ll die.” 


The press conference wrapped up pretty quickly after that, as Aguilar could be seen sneaking out the back, and speed-walking in the direction of the nearby 7-Eleven, allegedly in search of a “post-press conference Slurpee”.