Woman Forms Lifelong Bond Through Eye Contact With Equally Stoned Pizza Delivery Man

In a heartwarming story coming out of Boulder, CO, 28-year-old Megan Palmer has made a lifelong bond with the man who delivered her pizza last night.


“It was magical,” said the elementary school teacher, “As soon as I opened the door, we gazed into each others’ red, bloodshot eyes and felt a deep, spiritual connection – as if we’d known each other all our lives.”


“You know, I never really believed in soulmates, but now?” Megan paused the interview to stare off blissfully to her door for a few minutes before resuming. “Soulmates doesn’t even begin to cover what we are.”


Reporters also caught up with the other half of this eternal bond, pizza delivery man Mike Harmon, who agreed to be interviewed while playing video games with his neighbor’s kid.



“Oh yeah, her? She was cool, I guess,” said the 37-year-old while ripping a bong, “Although she could’ve tipped better.”


When asked if weed played any part in the instant lifelong bond, Megan was adamant that stronger universal forces were at play.


“Of course I smoked a little – it was a Friday night and I’d just come home from corralling kids on a zoo field trip. But that had nothing to do with our connection. Our bond is like when Jacob imprints on Renesmee in Twilight. He just looked at me and it was like he knew who I was, who I am, and who I’m going to be. Divine fate. That doesn’t just happen from being a little high.”


Megan’s friend, Nicole Gardner, was a bystander that night and witnessed the momentous occasion.


“No, she was definitely stoned out of her mind,” said Nicole, “Both of them were. They just stared at each other while both holding the pizza box. We actually didn’t even order any pizza, but both of them were too high to notice he was at the wrong house.”


Despite being told this the next day, Megan insists what she has with Mike is real.


“We weren’t ever supposed to meet yet we inexplicably did! That’s kismet if I’ve ever heard of it. I’ll forever have this unbreakable connection with – what did you say his name was?”


At press time, the two have yet to meet again, but Megan was found twirling and humming “Some Enchanted Evening.”