We’ve all been there: You get in an argument, and though you know you’re right, the response you come up with in the moment comes nowhere close to capturing your point of view. But don’t worry! If you think all is lost by not responding in the moment, remember that there is still hope for winning this one. Here’s how you can still clinch the argument by texting him a killer counterpoint just a few weeks later.
Dwell extensively on exactly where he went wrong.
You might not realize that winning an argument requires a lot of time and effort, and the person who wins is almost always the person who has not slept for three days because she’s been dwelling on Brian’s “tone”. Don’t be lazy; use every elevator ride, commute, and lazy Sunday morning to pinpoint the root of his error. It’ll all pay off when you finally respond in two to three weeks!
Send your response text at 3AM.
When you finally figure out what you want to say, you don’t want to send your response at a chill, normal time like 10AM or 3PM. No, it’s probably a good idea to throw him off by texting him your counterpoint in the dead of night, when you’re a little drunk, after you’ve been angry for six straight hours. This is when you’ll really own him!
Do not provide any context.
While you might feel the urge to remind him what you’re talking about, it’s important to make sure you’re not making this too easy for him. He absolutely will know what you’re talking about when you text him, “You’re fucking wrong and you know it” two weeks after your argument, and don’t let him pretend otherwise. Don’t fall into his coy trap.
Try to find a way to tie in his error to his entire terrible, stupid personality.
A sure-fire way to win any argument with grace and dignity is to find the larger story behind a singular error. While lesser minds than yours might see your disagreement as a temporary lapse in his judgment, you can see how it ties into a greater pattern of him sucking, and you owe it to him to explain that so he can improve, generally! This will cut deep!!
You might think that by taking such a long time to respond, you are technically “losing” by showing how much you care about this, but just go out and tell him before it’s too late. You wouldn’t want to wait an entire year like some kind of loser!
