Donald Trump has won the presidency, and defeated the most qualified female candidate the United States has ever seen. In Hillary Clinton’s concession speech she said, “We still have not shattered that highest and hardest glass ceiling. But some day, someone will.” Even though you’ve spent your whole adult life trying to break that glass ceiling for her, here’s how to tell your daughter that it’s her problem now.
Stop Bathing Her
Nothing says, “You have to take responsibility” like relinquishing the task of keeping your daughter clean. You used to have to nag her about bath time, but now that she has to take on the burden of shattering the glass ceiling, it’s best to encourage her to be a self-starter. As she becomes increasingly filthy and teachers eventually call home to awkwardly recommend she improves her hygiene, she’ll eventually get the message that this mess belongs to her and she’ll have to fucking fix it herself.
Make Her Do Yoga
Yes, your daughter should know that she can be anything she wants to be, but you assumed that by the time she got to college, she would have seen at least one American woman be leader of the free world, but now that the glass ceiling is still intact, she’s going to need to prepare herself for intense battles against sexism. Wake your daughter up at 6am every morning so that she enters the job market as a calm and centered guru.
Put a Constitution Under Her Pillow
Now that Hillary Clinton has lost the election, you don’t know what to count on anymore. Either way, you’re fucking outta there because this shit was tough. It’s up to the younger generation, namely your daughter, to undo this mess. Instead of leaving money as the Tooth Fairy, stuff copies of the Constitution under pillow. This will show her that she needs to start studying up, because if women ever want equality, she’s gonna have to go to law school like, yesterday. Sorry, sweetie!
Give Her a Hammer
This isn’t for breaking a glass ceiling; it’s just for protection.
You’re exhausted from this loss, but don’t want to give up hope forever. With these tips, you can pass the pressure onto the next generation and say, “Hey, we tried, but the glass ceiling is your problem now.”
