Have you ever told your daughter, “He’s only teasing you because he likes you?” Of course you have—you’re a parent, and all parents are liars. If you’re feeling guilty about your lie and want to tell your daughter the truth, here are a few ways you can get it all out in the open for her own good:
A Post-it is the best way to tell your daughter anything because you can put them anywhere and you don’t have to stick around for the reaction. Gently break the news to her by first leaving a Post-it on her mirror that says, “Take out the trash.” Then another on the trash that says, “Put your lunch in your bookbag.” And finally on her bookbag: “Sweetie, Billy hates you.” All that hair-pulling will finally make sense, and you’ll be able to drop the ruse that the hottest kid in her class is somehow in love with her. Phew!
Break the news to your daughter by printing a picture of Billy on an M&M with the Ghostbusters sign over his face. Pair it with the words, “This Boy Doesn’t Know You’re Alive.” Congrats, you’ve satisfied your daughter’s sweet tooth while dropping a major bombshell on her delusional world. It’s okay if she cries—she’s gonna have to get used to eating while crying at some point.
An Elaborate Lip-Sync Video
Lip-sync videos are all the rage. People make them to propose to their partners and to quit their jobs, so why not make one to tell your daughter, “Billy hates your frizzy stupid head”? Gather all of your friends, family members, and co-workers; write some new lyrics to Katy Perry’s Firework and hit record. Your daughter will hate you, but you’ll save her some serious embarrassment down the line.
Football Game Announcement
It’s fall, it’s football season, and it’s time your daughter knew the truth about Billy. Pass a note and $20 to the announcer at the high school football game and listen for this: “TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN BY BILLY SIKES! ALSO, EMILY, BILLY HATES YOUR GUTS!” Being honest is the most important thing.
Now get out there and tell your daughter the truth. Right your wrong and break her heart. Then you can finally find Billy and break his evil little neck.