How to Talk Dirty So He Knows You Have an MFA in Creative Writing

When you’ve been with your man for a while, sex can get a little stale—especially if he’s forgotten about your master’s in creative writing. Or maybe you just haven’t found that spark with your new guy since he is unaware of your impressive credentials. No matter where you are in your relationship, here are some tips to talk so dirty that he’ll scream, “You definitely have an MFA in creative writing!”


During foreplay, look down at his fly and say, “Hmm, there is a lot to unpack here.”

A good writer knows to let the tension build and not reveal everything too early in the story. And a good student of literature knows not to judge a book by its cover. Take your time studying your partner and letting him in on your insights about his package. Some steamy analyses to encourage could include global symbolism of the phallus and an awareness of your guy’s privilege, among other non-fiction reference points. Also, this turn of phrase will make him feel like he has massive junk even if he doesn’t. Hot!



Tell him everything you want him to do to you and infuse your language with purpose.

Everything. Leave nothing out. Be thorough. Imagine you’re creating a detailed outline your erogenous zones and how those areas might be changed by their circumstances as the night wears on. Just like with your dissertation, the more you have to work with, the better. Don’t forget to tell him how much you enjoy nipple stimulation and allegory.


Be specific about what’s happening with your body, but do NOT use He will be able to tell!

There’s nothing more transparent than talking about his unyielding phallus and how beatific it makes you. Don’t overwrite your reactions. A simple “Ohhh, my clit, fuhhhhhh!” will get the point across and add realism to the situation.


Stream of consciousness composition is not only okay; it’s encouraged.

What you want and what you’re feeling is important. Take a stylistic cue from Virginia Woolf and inspire him with dirty talk. Let words like “Ohhh, ohhh yeah,” flow through you like your impending orgasm.



Most importantly, use this sexy-time as an explorative workshop.

Dirty talk is a great way to get in touch with your own body, as well as your lover’s body. It’s also a great way to workshop new ideas and start writing interactions that aren’t so clichéd, or are so clichéd that they seem groundbreaking. So try telling him you want to do some butt stuff to him and see how it’s received.


Like any good reading, thank your guy for helping you live your truth. Don’t stop crafting. Go home, and start rewriting. All writing is rewriting, and all sex is good sex!