We all know who they are – The bones of the hour. The Queen B. Halloween’s most eligible and sought after bachelor. We’re talking, of course, about this year’s hottest ticket: the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton. It’s a great honor to possess your own set of these 12-foot lanky bones, but that honor comes with responsibility. Here’s how to stay humble even though you own the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton.
Share your gift
You shelled out $300 plus tax and wound up with a gorgeous, colossal skeleton in your front yard that instantly catapulted you to the status of the coolest person in town and, in a sense, the world. That’s all well and good, but think back to before you owned the skeleton. Can you even remember? You used to have nothing, and most people still do, so share your gift. Let friends and passersby alike stop to admire, gently caress, or even snap a photo with Ole Leggy. You have it all! So why not throw the little people a bone?
Treat others with respect
Owning the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton is sort of like dating Harry Styles, EGOTing, and being Harry Styles all in one. But just because other people are going to treat you differently doesn’t mean you should do the same. You feel like the queen of the world, and you should, but set a good example by aspiring skeleton owners by still doing “normal” things like waiting your turn at the grocery store and slowing down at stop signs. These demonstrations of respect show that you still think of yourself as a regular person even though you’re really a person who owns the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton, which is better than a regular person.
Can you ever really own the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton?
The spirit of the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton is even bigger than its ginormous frame. Can you own a moment? Can you own a dream? To the extent that you can, you do, and that’s pretty incredible. But try to position your ownership within the greater framework of shared meaning and wonder — and then there’s you: right at the center of it.
So try these tips to stay humble over your acquisition of Big Tall Skelebones, and if these don’t work, just remember that when the season’s over and no one is talking about this anymore you’re still going to have store 12 feet of hard plastic somewhere in your house for the rest of your life. Happy Halloween!