How to Slob on His Knob in a God-Honoring Way

If you’re a God-honoring Christian woman who is living her life in the way of Christ, you know that there is nothing more important than being a gracious servant to your husband – and that inevitably means that you’re going to have to slob all over that knob once in a while. That’s the beauty of marriage! You might be wondering if it’s truly possible to snarf cock in a God-honoring way, and we assure you – it is! Here’s how to smoke the pole in a way that honors your relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior:


Remember exactly why you’re slobbin’ on that knob.

Is it wrong to slob on that knob? Absolutely not! But you may need to remind yourself of that every waking moment that you perform the act that you’re doing this for one man and one man only: Jesus Christ. So whenever you start to feel like you’re veering off course, remember exactly why you are drinking that dick: Jesus. Your man’s dick is a direct conduit to Jesus himself, and the more you serve him, the more you serve Him – so literally do not stop thinking about Jesus next time you’re spit-polishing the salami.


Keep it feminine and classy.

No godly man wants a seductive, sexy woman bobbing for his hot dog – so make sure to toot the flute in a classy, feminine manner. Don’t wear too much makeup or try to put on a worldly persona – that’s scary! Wear a nice, loose-fitting dress and slurp up that snake in a way that your father would admire and respect. Remember, God (a man) is watching – and more importantly – judging!


Don’t forget to pray (on that knob).

If you’re feeling far from God as you take the train downtown to Cock City, never hesitate to pause for a moment when he’s rock-hard to take a break and join together in prayer. Remember, God ultimately wants you to have procreative sex, so as long as some of that filthy, dirty man cum gets in you one way or another, God is happy with whatever gets you there. Just imagine Jesus on the cross, weeping for all the world’s sins, but also cheering you on as you suck the cum out of your godly husband’s peen! Jesus is crying but also rooting for you!


In summary, if you’re wondering how to mouth-fuck your god-husband in a way that makes Jesus happy, just remember to think about how Jesus died for all our sins for every second that you gurgle those blurbles. And don’t forget to have fun!