How to Respect Your Boyfriend’s Right to Grow a Terrible Little Mustache

Bodily autonomy is a sacred right, and your boyfriend is no exception. Sometimes you may not like or agree with your partner’s choices in this terrain, but to try and assert influence over these personal decisions would be a transgression. So take a deep breath, relinquish control, and learn how to respect your boyfriend’s right to grow a terrible little mustache.


Put yourself in his shoes.

Imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend tried to control your body hair, your makeup, or any other aspect of your physical appearance. This would likely be unacceptable to you as well as hurtful, and the same goes for him, so try to see it his way. Of course, it’s difficult, because if you were him, you would simply have no desire to grow a feral and morally nauseous mustache, and then this whole issue wouldn’t exist in the first place.


Don’t push.

You know it’s wrong to disrespect your beloved boyfriend’s unalienable right to nurture a chunderous little patch of hair over his lips. But more importantly, it won’t work. This is about you unlearning your desire to control other people, but it’s also about making sure you don’t do anything that will encourage him to keep the dirt squirrel. So say nothing, remain neutral, and he’ll shave it eventually without ever resenting you, or he’ll keep it forever and you’ll have to assess whether or not that’s something you can live with. It’s just so thin yet long.



Look for the silver lining.

When your boyfriend goes down on you, then picks a pube of out of his mouth, you can just pretend it’s one of his mustache hairs so that you don’t have think about someone picking your pubes out of their mouth. Obviously this is a slim reward to enjoy while your boyfriend has started nodding at other men with mustaches in public, a terrible sign for the longevity of this phase, but take what you can get.


Hang a picture a Tom Selleck in the corner of the bathroom mirror.

This is a great way to respect and support– Okay fine. You’re just trying to show him what he will never be so he gives up and shaves his. Whatever, not everyone can be a good person.


So learn to respect your boyfriend’s gnarly little ‘stache, because it’s his body and his choice (as long as his nails are short and clean and you like his outfit).