Once upon a time they called you “co-worker,” “colleague,” and “that girl in cubicle 5R.” But all that’s changed now. You’ve been promoted, your office has walls, and you’ve traded in your cardigans for full-on blazers. From now on they call you only one thing: “boss.” But wait just a minute! How can you be a “boss” when you are so clearly a woman? Turn that promotion into an opp-her-tunity to remind your employees that you may be a boss now, but you’re still a lady. You are a LadyBoss!
Brief everyone on the nature of your period.
Passionate, compassionate, willing to ask for help – traits once viewed as weaknesses in a leader are now understood to be unique strengths women can bring to leadership roles. So walk into that boardroom and start the meeting with a firm, “Good morning people, let’s get started” and proceed to show them your Red Calendar. Point out how many days are left until your next menstrual cycle. If you are currently on your period, inform them of what day you are on and how the cramping is affecting your leadership abilities. If you’re a few days before it, tell your team how they can best work with you at this sensitive time. Information is power, and you are not afraid to give them some information about your experience as a woman.
Give boob-filled hugs at the end of every performance review.
Six-month performance reviews are here and they are a perfect time to remind your employees that you’re not only in charge, you’re also a woman. Spend the first 30 minutes describing your expectations of their performance, their goals, and the things you both hope to achieve in the next six months. Once you’ve finished with that hullabaloo, squish your boobs onto them in a big warm Mama Bear hug! They’ll feel that you’re their boss, but also a maternal figure with breasts.
Use the word “pregnant” in all of your emails.
The hardest part about being a boss is making sure everyone reads those pesky office-wide emails. However, you can put your #ladyboss skills to use by reminding them of your ability to create life with emails like this:
Subject Line: I’M PREGNANT!
I’m pregnant with the following news:
I need everyone’s expense reports by 5PM today!
Xoxo
Mrs. Harold Rankin (AKA Lorraine Rankin, C.E.O.)
Cry when someone eats the last donut.
This one will hit your minions hard! Nothing says, “woman” like overreacting to something small and unimportant. Go into the break room, see the empty box of donuts, and turn on those waterworks! You’ll let them know that they should fear your wrath like a regular boss but you’re a woman so you’ll unleash it for unpredictable reasons.
Remember: Being a LadyBoss is not about doing your actual job well. It’s about reminding everyone how differently you perform the job, because you are a lady!
