You are a fit and healthy well of nutritional knowledge. Sure, you want to order the steak frites, but what kind of message is that going to send the rest of your dining party? Instead of pigging out on that high-carb penne primavera, here are some great menu options to show your table that you have more self-control than they do:
A Cup of Soup. Nothing says, “I am eating less than you” than a cup-sized portion of a broth-based soup (but for god’s sake, don’t eat that packet of saltines!). Mention that your fellow diners’ meals look good, but that you “just wanted something light.” Do they even know that small meals can boost the metabolism and broths can fill you up without the calories? This is the perfect opportunity to show them!
Garden Salad. Before ordering this, be sure to speculate about ordering a calorie-laden treat to make your pals think you’re cruising toward that veal parm. At the last minute, demurely request the salad with a wedge of lemon (dressing on the side!). They are going to feel TERRIBLE after this dinner!
The Vegan Option. Sure, it’s an $18 stack of vegetables, but think of the haughty looks you’ll be able to give Lauren when her turkey club with extra bacon arrives! Remind your fellow diners of the benefits (both for health and peace of mind) of a diet free from meat, dairy, and eggs. Encourage them to give it a try next time, as if they have the willpower to do so.
Oatmeal. When Colin and Dana order their benedicts and butter pecan waffles, tout the cholesterol-lowering wonders of oatmeal and fruit. Loudly request no dairy or added sugar, or any other kind of gross topping. Also, be sure to only eat half, because oatmeal is a very hearty food. Let them know that you’re saving room for that single bottomless mimosa you’re going to have!
A Plate of Raw Cabbage. It usually isn’t on the menu, but most places will do this if you ask nicely. If you must, order it steamed with a dash of vinegar (no salt). Does the rest of your table know that cabbage is a natural diuretic? Do they understand that that’s a good thing? Be sure to tell them this before your third trip to the toilet.
A Mason Jar of Cayenne Lemonade From Your Purse. Okay, it’s not on the menu—you mixed up this sweet treat at home—but it’s hard to swig that tart, cayenne pepper-goodness without witnesses to motivate you. When Becca orders her usual cucumber roll, bust out your elixir and smack your lips with delight. You probably already told them about your juice fast, but maybe you didn’t? You’re so tired and it’s hard to remember.
Now there’s no way that you’ll find yourself suffering through the indignity of ordering and enjoying a hamburger. So get out there and make the rest of your table look bad—remember that you can always eat as much dry Special K as you want when you get home!