When you’re having a cozy movie night with your bae, chances are your mind isn’t on the movie, it’s the bowl of popcorn you have to sneak bites from his lap without him noticing because you’re a sneaky little squirrel. Here’s how to gather your man’s snacks and hoard them for your own enjoyment.
Reach In and Snatch ‘Em
Take a cute little paw and creep it slowly over to your man’s side of the couch. Sneak your fingers gently up the rim of his bowl, being quiet as a delicate forest creature. If you like, let out a few soft chuckles or chatter your large teeth to cover the rustle of your fingers sneaking into his popcorn stash. Grab a kernel with your nimble squirrel fingers!
Bring the popcorn to your mouth with both hands so as not to spill. If your boyfriend turns away from the movie to look at you, just freeze. Wait until his hawk-like gaze returns to the TV, then move the popcorn slowly closer to your hungry maw. Chomp down, you little rodent!
Realize You Want More, then Do It Again!
You’ve done it! Your nimble mission was a success! But don’t stop while you’re ahead—you’re still greedy for more. Once you’re done nibbling, fantasize about more popcorn like a scrappy little squirrel would do. After all, harsh winter is coming soon, and by then there may not be a boyfriend to steal popcorn from, and you might have to live off the rich stores of fat under your furry skin!
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
You’ve made a choice, so you might as well lean into it. Steal kernel after kernel of popcorn, hoarding them away in your belly. You’re not even pretending to pay attention to the movie anymore, you’re just clawing away at his popcorn bowl, storing excess popcorn in your wide round cheeks.
By now you have pilfered over half of your man’s bowl of popcorn and he’s probably noticed. When he turns to you in anger and surprise, try not to let your animal hunger take over. Look him deep in the eyes and say “sorry” without any popcorn falling out of your mouth. Then plunge both hands into his bowl and gobble popcorn, fistful by tiny fistful.
Sure, you can make your own bowl of popcorn but that’s less fun. With these steps you can steal your guy’s popcorn kernel by kernel until you’re squirreled it all away!