You did it! You achieved a form of success that you’ve been working towards for the entirety of your life. Nice. Now that you’ve achieved your dreams, here is how to overthink that accomplishment so much that it ends up being a bad thing for you in general.
Wonder if it was some kind of mistake.
Before you celebrate, wonder if this whole thing is some sort of clerical error. So perhaps there was a system defect, some sort of anomaly that gave you this accomplishment. It couldn’t be the years and years and years of hard work and effort you put into this. It can’t have been the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the overpreparation. No. After all, people make mistakes all the time (Not you though. If you make a mistake, you deserve the guillotine.).
Question if you really deserve it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You worked hard. But did you really? Yes. But did you really? Now repeat this question in your head until you arrive at the answer, “No, I don’t deserve this.” Look at all the other people who received the same accolade. That one girl is a genius. That other guy is wearing those small round glasses so he’s got to be a savant of some kind. Think of all those before you who were in your shoes. The one thing they all have in common? They were all better than you, probably.
You dropped the back of an earring the other day in your room, searched for hours, and still couldn’t find it. Does that sound like something a person who wins prizes would do? No. That sounds like something a non-special moron without prizes would do. The truth is, you are an imposter who just got really lucky this one time so you better enjoy the limelight before it is rightfully and expeditiously taken away from you.
Evaluate the people who praise you.
All of these people complimenting you, applauding you, they must all be wrong. Or maybe they’re just being nice. Not FartTwigs8434 who has 30 followers on Twitter, though. He sees right through the bullshit. He correctly pointed out that you’re not even that talented. You’re mediocre. And if we’re being totally honest, you’re overrated. Even one of the worst people to exist in your field. He’s the one you should be listening to. And until you earn this stranger’s validation, no amount of praise from others is worth anything.
Prepare for this to be your last ever accomplishment.
Whether this prestigious honor bestowed upon you from years of studying, honing your craft, and dealing with rejection after rejection, is an oversight or not, prepare for it to be the last honor ever. You’re like M Night Shyamalan. This accomplishment is your Sixth Sense. After this, it’s all going to be downhill. Your next project is gonna be The Village. Or oh god…Lady in the Water. I guess Split was kind of good…? What are you even saying, they were all horrible. Just like YOU.
So just bask in the glory of this one accomplishment now. Because soon, the world will discover that you are a fraud. And that FartTwigs8434 was right about you all along. And look at that – you’ve already thought about this achievement long enough that it is no longer a gift, but a curse! Good job!
