How To Make Female Friends By Winning A Seat In Congress

Seeking badass lady friends to join you for brunch, road trips and breaking the glass ceiling of American politics? Then look no further than our nation’s Capitol. A wave of intelligent, progressive young women were elected to the house of representatives and senate during the 2018 midterms, and they’d be happy to adopt you into their clique. All you have to do is become a congresswoman, too! Here are some handy tips on how to make that happen!


Run for office and win.

All you have to do to win your election is to get more votes than your opponent. No problem! And if for some reason you don’t win, try getting a job as a Hill staffer so you can buddy up to federal government gals and play bass in their all-female rock band. If they don’t have one, start one.


Find your gang.

Once you get to Congress, it’s vital that you figure out which squad you want to join. Are you wise and mighty, like Dianne Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi? Are you a blonde ball-buster, like Elizabeth Warren and Kirsten Gillibrand? Or are you dope and different, like Krysten Sinema, Maxine Waters and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Either way, you’ll have friends, power, and the ability to change life for millions of Americans.


Take a picture.

Once you’ve linked up with your kinda women, take a picture where you’re all wearing brightly-colored pantsuits and leaning against an old desk. Post it to social media with a cheeky caption about breaking into the boys’ club and watch it rack up the likes! Surely you’ve seen these photos online: an array of ethnically-diverse #girlbosses who represent our country’s last possible hope. Truly, they are the only thing standing between Trump and fascism. That could be you!



Fix America!

At this point, anything you and your new girl gang do will be better than what the men have been doing, so have fun, mix it up and remember to wear a bold lip at all times.


Look at you go! You’re Leslie Knope! You’re Geena Davis! You’re all Miranda!