After a vicious, weeks-long argument, friends Jamie Roan and Shanaya Washington have coordinated their schedules and finally plan the end of their disagreement.
“Shanaya’s being a complete bitch and I need to tell her about it,” said Roan. “I also wanted to make sure we can do that when she’s got a free hour or two in her schedule so she doesn’t get behind on her week.”
“I want to murder Jamie, she’s so self-righteous sometimes,” said Washington. “But I also knew she picked up a few extra shifts this week and I didn’t want to overwhelm her.”
Roan, an avid user of Google Calendar, said she struggled to choose how to categorize the event.
“Friend Dates? Parties? None of my usual categories really covered it. I ended up going with ‘Work’ because sometimes friendship is a labor of love and it’s important to make time for that.”
Their other friends were unfazed by their responsible behavior around the disagreement.
“They’re really good friends and they’re also highly organized, overachieving adults,” said roommate Natasha Lamarke. “When Jamie called me last week, I knew they’d make up. And I knew it would be at a time carefully and respectfully chosen for the both of them.”
Male sources expressed more confusion.
“It’s weird, right?” asked Roan’s boyfriend Paul Jacobs. “They just…scheduled the end of their fight? I thought you were supposed to like wait for it to end naturally or something.”
Still, the two are confident in their logistical choices.
“Fights inevitably end,” said Washington. “Why do it dramatically and unexpectedly when you can budget out exactly the right amount of time you need to cry and emotionally heal in a mutually decided upon and comfortable location?”
“We just like, have emotional sensitivity and a basic understanding of time management,” added Roan. “People should understand that.”
Reports say Roan was later seen typing “Break Up With Paul” into her Google Calendar.