It can feel impossible to send your crush the signal that you’re interested and available in a casual yet effective manner. Strike the perfect balance by following these steps to perform a lewd puppet show at his birthday party that’s sure to grab his attention. Here’s how:
Surprising guests and birthday boy alike with an X-Rated amateur puppet show at the height of your would-be-beau’s b-day party is a look that says spontaneous and sexy. But there’s nothing cute about the girl with the clunky puppet hand changes or inconsistent accent work. How’s your dream man supposed to take your relationship seriously if you’re not even taking this borderline-pornographic puppet show seriously? Do your homework, even if that means entering his apartment disguised as a boiler mechanic to scope out the measurements of your performance space beforehand. You’ll both laugh about this when you’re married!
Make eye contact.
A sexually provocative puppet show is guaranteed to grab his attention, but what good will that do if he doesn’t know to direct all that captivated lust at you? The master puppeteer generally stays out of sight, but you’ll need to throw orthodoxy to the wind if you want to blow this cutie away. Cut a hole the size of your face into your puppet theater so if his eyes drift down during the seven-minute sex scene between your inexplicably Australian puppet characters, they’ll land right on y-o-u. And don’t you dare look away. Now he’s getting the idea.
Think outside the box.
Face any obstacle with perseverance and creativity. Your future boo doesn’t have a birthday coming up? Don’t worry. There’s no wrong time for an obscene, John Waters-influenced puppet show featuring an original song where you change the words to “Love on Top” to “sex where I’m on top”. Pull it out at his sister’s engagement party, his office holiday celebration, his grandpa’s shiva: Any event where he’s sure to be in the audience. Like Marilyn singing a sultry “Happy Birthday,” only a million times hotter, this move is sure to have everyone asking, “What is happening?”
So whether they’re sock, marionette, or sexy Muppet, grab your puppets and hit the lights. You’ll have all eyes on you while you weave your tale of intrigue, crude humor, and a visceral scene where your lead tries anal for the first time, but he’ll know he’s the only face in the crowd that matters.