If you’re like me, you’re one of 16 million Americans suffering from depression. Hopefully, you’re not like me in the fact that you still have any sex drive. Every day that I become more emotionally stable, the less likely it will be that I ever orgasm again. So, can you make me cum on my antidepressants even though it’s as dry as the Sahara Desert down there? No seriously, can you just try? Please, I’m begging you.
- What do you want to do when you see me?
- Hang out!
- Avoid making eye contact and keep walking.
- Get a little frisky – and by a little frisky you mean doing me a solid by really going to town on my clit because neither of us is sure I’ll be able to cum again with the amount of Lexapro I need to not die.
- Which describes your hands?
- Strong, agile AF, and good with endurance because let’s just say it’s not gonna be easy.
- What’s the rest of your day looking like?
- I have a movie in a couple hours. You want to go with me?
- I’m on my 30-minute lunch break.
- I have the rest of the day free and tomorrow is flexible because I’m aware of the matter at hand here.
- What’s in your bag?
- A book I thought you would enjoy.
- None of your business.
- Lube, multiple different vibrators to test what works and what doesn’t, a protein-packed snack, and a book I thought you would enjoy… but it’s also sexy.
- Do you care about my sexual happiness?
- Yes, maybe I can set you up with someone.
- Not particularly tbh.
- It’s at the top of my list and I’m excited to give this my best shot.
If you got…
Mostly As: You see me more as a friend and frankly I need that as well right now.
Mostly Bs: It seems like you don’t like me very much so why are you even taking this quiz? You clearly are not up for a challenge, which is what I currently am.
Mostly Cs: Congrats! You are the perfect candidate to attempt to make my emotionally stable yet unenthused vagina finally feel any type of pleasure. It’s not gonna be smooth sailing, but I sure do appreciate the help!