We’ve all been there: You’re with your friend who has a pet snake, and she’s super jazzed about it because no one who has a pet snake is just neutral on snakes, and so she invites you to hold it. You don’t want to hold the snake because that doesn’t seem fun to you, but what can you do? Well, if this dilemma has backed you into a corner time and time again, then get ready: With these tips, you can finally explain to your friend that holding her pet snake is simply not that interesting to you.
Tell her about some of your favorite hobbies.
It’s productive to couch sentiments in positive terms. When your friend starts warming up to invite you to hold her snake, say something like, “I’ve really been enjoying playing keytar lately,” or “Have I told you about my bottle cap collection?” This will help establish that you are a person with interests, and holding a snake just isn’t one of them. This is a polite approach that won’t leave you standing there going, “Oh, wow! Yeah, that’s interesting feeling,” as a snake slithers around your hand.
Be honest about your ambivalence.
Explain to your friend that it’s not that you’re afraid of snakes per se, but you don’t really want one laced through your fingertips because you’re not attending a child’s birthday party at the zoo. Holding a snake might be alright, but it isn’t going to be all that enjoyable, and the energy you’d use trying to summon the appropriate reaction while your friend watches you hold her snake would totally dry up your resources such that you’d be no fun for the rest of the night. Your not holding the snake is in everyone’s best interest!
Sneeze on the snake.
Okay, this is not technically a way of explaining your disinterest, but it’s almost certain to yield immediate results. As your friend retrieves her snake from its weird box and begins trying to pass it to you, simply sneeze on it. You can say, “excuse me” afterward, but don’t cover your mouth. Sneezing on a snake isn’t going to hurt it, we don’t think, but it feels like a safe bet that your friend won’t try to hand the reptile off to you after you do this. Snake owners do not want their snake to get a cold – everyone knows this.
So get out of snake holding obligations with these three tips that will make it clear that the activity of holding a snake for some period of time is simply nowhere on your to-do list today or ever. Maybe your friend should try getting a dog!
