There are so many ways to say “hello” to someone, but only a few make it sound like you haven’t been practicing for an hour. Don’t let a simple greeting have you tongue-tied, and start talking with the confidence of someone who doesn’t obsess over their words. Here are some other ways you can say “hello” without stressing.
Just Say It
You’d be surprised how quick and easy it is to say “hello.” No one has to know how many times you rehearsed your greetings with your cat. He won’t tell. The quicker you say “hello,” the more it will feel like you’re talking to a human for the first time instead of the 100th time to a pet that has no concept of social pleasantries.
Don’t Speak First
It’s almost guaranteed that when two people greet each other, one person will start the conversation. So who says you have to be the first one to speak? Don’t say anything, no matter how long you have to wait. It might feel like forever, but the sheer silence will put pressure on the other person to say an embarrassing “Um, hello?” Then you can undercut it with a confident “Hello!” Now who sounds like they’re unsure of themselves?!
Do a British Accent
Undoubtedly the most sophisticated of all greetings. Speaking in a British accent is a great way to pique someone’s interest in conversation. Throw in a hearty “Ello gov’na!” and they’ll be too busy asking which Charles Dickens book you came from to guess you spent an hour in front of your mirror sweating over this conversation.
Get Possessed by a Ghost
Do you ever wish someone else could take over your body and speak for you? Then try getting possessed by a ghost. It’s much easier than saying “hello” on a whim. Giving up your body to be used as a meat vessel for an ancient spectral force may take up more time than practicing saying hello, but the demonic confidence you’ll give off will feel spontaneous. It’ll have the person you’re talking to say, “They said “hello” so suddenly! What a shocking, and definitely not premeditated, turn of events!”
Introductions can be overwhelming, but with these tips, you’ll be saying hello in no time. Now all you have to worry about is saying goodbye without sounding like a freak. Huh, goodbye? Why does that sound weird? Good buy. Gewd bigh? Gerrrrrddd beehhhhh. Goodbye. No, that doesn’t sound right. Fuck!
