How to Establish Intimacy on the First Date Without Bringing Up Ghosts

It’s hard to know what milestones you’re expected to hit on a first date. Is it okay to ask about their past relationships? Should you kiss? Can you rely on your default, slam dunk question about ghosts? Or is that too much too soon? You might be tempted to overshare, but it’s important to strike the right balance that says, “I’m willing to be emotionally vulnerable, but I’m not weird about the supernatural.” Here are a few ways you can establish intimacy on a first date without bringing up the specters of the undead that have haunted you.


Ask basic follow-up questions instead.

It’s important to show that you’re a great listener and care about what your date has to say, so instead of immediately interjecting with questions like, “Do you believe in ghosts? Have you seen one? How would you feel if I said I see them all the time?” maybe try a casual follow-up like, “Oh, your dad is Canadian? Where in Canada is he from?” They’ll be floored by your compassion, your attentiveness, and your apparent indifference toward the spirit realm.


Be open and honest about your dating history.

Sure, it’s a red flag to talk about your exes for too long on a first date, but a cursory mention of your dating history can go a long way toward showing you’re an emotionally available person. It says, “I’ve lived, and I’ve learned, and I am unconcerned with the souls of those who have died…why do you ask?” Just make sure to skip over your ex who died tragically and whose voice you sometimes still hear in the night. Sure, at this point you’ll probably be itching to bring up ghosts, but resist with everything you have. They’re not ready. There are other ways.


Don’t be afraid of some light touching!

You might think that bringing up ghosts is the only way to establish intimacy, but you’re forgetting the four-letter-word: Hand! Don’t be afraid to lightly touch their arm or knee during a particularly funny anecdote. It’ll show them you’re interested in being more than just a friend, and it doesn’t require any mention of the afterlife at all.



Focus on making direct eye contact.

Do your best to get lost in their eyes and distract yourself from the desperate, primal urge to ask them if they believe in reincarnation, haunted hotels, all of it. Is there anything more than this life? Is there?! How can you align on the big things like politics and kids if they don’t also believe in ghosts?! ASK. DON’T THINK. JUST ASK.


Follow these simple tips and you’ll be on your way to a second date in no time, which is the perfect occasion to finally – at long last – bring up ghosts. Love is in the air and so are the spirits of our past!