E.B. White once said, “The best writing is rewriting,” but sometimes writing is also drinking so much cold brew that words start pouring directly out of your eyes. While this may sound impossible, a real effect of coffee is that if you do it right, it can punch your brain into blasting words from your eyes like a hyper beam. So if you’re procrastinating, here’s how to drink enough cold brew your eyes start shooting words at the screen and you’ll finish that project in minutes.
Get a head start on the cold brew.
Good preparation makes writing easier, so get a head start on the cold brew. Finish at least one cup while making the outline for your project. That way when you actually sit down to write, your body will already be thrumming with energy. Words may not pour out of your eyes yet, but they will gather in a caffeinated mass, ready for that extra jolt of caffeine to send them streaming out of you. This is an essential step in the writing process!
Don’t stop sipping cold brew until you’re done.
Writing comes easiest when you’re not overthinking it, so once you begin, don’t stop sipping cold brew until you’re done. Just let the cold brew flow into your system without judging how much you’re drinking – judgment will interrupt the process and make you unable to drink so much cold brew that words form a laser beam shooting straight out of your eyes like a supersonic train blasting through a tunnel. Choo choo! That’s just one example of the kind of words you may spontaneously shoot out of you when your mind has become 90% caffeine.
Drink cold brew past the point of comfort.
Don’t be satisfied with drinking only enough cold brew to fill you up, push yourself as a writer to drink cold brew past the point of comfort. Whenever you feel caffeinated enough, say, “I’m capable of more” and then continue drinking cold brew until you can feel random nouns leaking right out of your eyes. After one or two more cups, all sorts of words should be shooting out of your eyes and straight into your computer screen. You’ll know when it feels right!
Let the cold brew take over you.
At a certain point you have to let the cold brew take over you. Just put your hands on your keyboard, look at your laptop and let the cold brew shoot through your eyes in the form of pure energy, then onto your screen in the form of words. You’re naught but a vessel, and you’re also nearly done with your assignment. All you need to do is proofread to make sure you didn’t just type, “Cold brew cold brew cold brew crold brew brold crew” hundreds of times in a row and you’re set. Writing’s not so hard after all!
Writing may seem a daunting task at first, but if you break it down into steps and then consume enough cold brew your eyeballs turn into guns for words, it becomes much easier!
