Rosé season has arrived, so get ready to grab a bottle and drink it all day until you squirt pink. Because rosé is more than just a wine – it’s a lifestyle synonymous with summer, fun and geysering pink straight from your hole like Old Faithful. Here are four rosés to drink all day until your pussy’s a pink fountain.
Domaine de la Sangliere Rosé
At $10 a bottle, this rosé from Provencal is an affordable choice for when you want to drink that pink stuff all day until you’re squirting it from a reservoir deep inside you. This brand is dry, crisp and has a nice minerality, making it the perfect rosé to shoot in your partner’s face if they’re not into sweet wines. When this rosé goes into your stomach you’ll be thinking, “Yum!” But when it comes bursting out of your pussy like a broken dam you’ll be thinking, “Help! Could this lead to a billion dollars worth of flood damage? Someone call FEMA.”
Chapoutier Cotes Du Rhone Rosé
With a name like M. Chapoutier, this rosé sounds fancy enough to drink all day until you’re the one finishing on your boyfriend’s stomach while he complains about how pink your sex slime is and how fast it spurted out of you. Whoa! Who knew rosé was good for more than just getting tipsy with the girls? When you fully embrace the lifestyle, rosé also has the power to make your yoni squirt like a Heinz bottle you’ve been hitting for hours until one big glop falls out.
Mulderbosch Rosé
This South African rosé is perfect in the warm weather, and will also make your pussy straight up squirt the essence of a Cabernet Sauvignon grape toward the face of your lover. Because it’s from the Southern Hemisphere, this brand has already released a 2017 version, so you can get a head start on drinking so much your vajay turns into a straight up rosé hose aimed right at the person working so hard to help you finish right now. Yas, hydration! Now you’re both ready for summer.
Rémy Pannier Rosé d’Anjou
For those who enjoy a dessert wine, this rosé from the Loire Valley will help you squirt sugary pink lemonade into your pants like a frightened squid. Because of the lower alcohol content in this wine, you and your partner may be fully sober when you watch this rosé arc out of your vagina like a wet rainbow that only comes in one color: Pink. But that’s okay. You’ll want to be in your right mind as you watch the arc shoot straight across your room with the wonderment of seeing a shooting star. Make a wish! Was it for more rosé? Just kidding, don’t tell or it won’t come true!
Truvée Rosé
How is there even so much liquid inside you? Oh right, you’ve drinking rosé all day and now it’s squirting from your pussy and going in every direction like a head that got chopped up in a ceiling fan. Cheers!
People often ask, “Is female ejaculate just pee?” And the answer of course is, yes. That is, until it’s rosé. Take part in the #roséallday lifestyle with any of these fun rosés that say, “I’ve turned my own orgasms into the most intense celebration of summer anyone’s ever seen!”
