How to Date Men Even Though Their Life, Their Love, and Lady Is the Sea

Dating men can be difficult, but some of us just have to do it. It’s important to remember that dating can be enjoyable and rewarding, even if his life, love, and lady just happens to be the sea. Use these tips to make the best out of dating a man even though his one true maiden will always be the ocean blue.


Stay inland.

Men are biologically programmed to long for the omnipotent, fickle mistress that is the sea ­– it’s in their sperms! But the farther from the coast they are, the weaker this will toward the deep becomes. If you really want to go on some dates with a man and do things such as learning about each other’s siblings and “mini golf”, then try doing it somewhere totally landlocked like Nebraska! Your man will hardly be able to hear the salty siren call of his Lady from here.


Use a sea salt hair spray.

If a move isn’t logistically feasible for you right now, consider using a texturizing sea salt spray in your hair to give him a little hint of what he truly desires: the numinous, terrifying, awe-inspiring sacred body that is Oceana herself. This approach will really liven up your curls, and hopefully quench his sea lust. However, it might just whet his appetite, in which case it might be time to–



Try ethical non-monogamy.

Trying to compete with the Majestic Deep is a futile task, but what if you stopped thinking of dating and romance as a competition altogether? Pick up a copy of The Ethical Slut and learn to get comfortable with ethical non-monogamy; this way, your primary partner can honor the fact that his life, love and lady is the sea, and you can enjoy dating other men whose life, love, and lady is also the sea. Hell, you could even date the sea! It’s 2021, ladies. The sea is not just for drowning ourselves in anymore!


So date men if you want, but do so knowing that their heart belongs to the vast, tempestuous sea. Boys will be boys, and boys will love 71% of the Earth’s surface. Gocean! (Go ocean).