How to Cum With Your Partner Without Tallying Up Who’s Winning


 Sex is NOT a competition! This is something you have to keep reminding yourself over and over. Sex is the beautiful act of lovemaking, and when you perform such an act you are invoking the spirit of the heavens. You are participating in an act that blooms flowers, points ballet dancer’s toes and sets suns. But also, for some reason, you’re keeping track of the number of times you’ve both gotten off. And honestly? You’re kicking his ass. Here are ways to cum with your partner without tallying up who’s winning.



Think About How He Makes You Laugh

His jokes are hilarious, socially conscious and definitely highlight the fact that he “gets it”. In fact, he could EASILY be a writer on SNL! And also, oh gosh… you just finished and it’s 2-0. Okay, WHAT?! WOOHOO! You’re in the lead! You’ve got this!


Think About How Kind He Is

He overextends and buys you dinner and not in the performative, chauvinistic way. He genuinely wants to treat you and wants to ensure that you feel taken care of! … Oh…and you just finished again?! FUCK YAH! It’s now 3-0. Goddamn you’re good at this game! And you didn’t even warm up! GO YOU!!


Think About Your Future Together

He’s light-hearted, and sweet and would definitely make a fantastic father. He would raise your children to be kind, well-spoken and thoughtful. Also … 4-0! WHAT?! THIS GAME IS IN THE BAG! HAHA what a fucking LOSER!!


Think About The Security He Provides

Not only is he financially secure but he’s completely invested in you. You never have to worry about him physically or emotionally cheating on you —




Even though it might seem like a competition, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re on the same team and that it doesn’t matter who wins! It’s also important to gain a little perspective and see that you’re probably winning this non-competition because he jerked off in the shower this morning.