If you love to have sex but hate the mess, you probably love the “sex towel,” a cultural and utilitarian phenomena carefully placed beneath you and your partner when you get freaky. It’s a flawless plan, unless your mom discovers one of the nice Bed Bath & Beyond towels she bought for you has been used to sop up your sex broth. Next time she comes to visit, here are some helpful tips to convince your mom that your sex towel is just a regular towel.
Pretend like you use it for sunbathing.
When your mom spots a towel and asks why it’s on your bed rather than hanging in the bathroom, just be confident and ask, “What? Oh this little ragged towel? I use this to sunbathe from the comfort of my own bed inside with sun through the window.” Phew, that was a close one!
Pretend it is your drool towel.
A real drool towel would be a little washcloth that you keep on your shoulder at night to catch all the drool, but your mom doesn’t know that! Why should your mom even concern herself with what you use your towels for!! You have sex on this towel, okay?
Distract her with your humping pillow.
When your mom asks, “Why is that towel on your bed and why does it smell” simply throw your humping pillow at her. She’ll be so confused her mind will actually reset and she’ll forget that she was wondering why you use that towel.
Wrap it up in your hair even though that’s gross.
If your mom is skeptical about your sex towel, the only way to prove to her that it’s a normal towel is to treat it like one. Wrap your hair up in it like a 50s housewife to model how you use the towel. See, Mom? Would you do this if it were a sex towel? She certainly doesn’t think so. Only you know the towel smells like semen.
Burn it.
If all else fails, burn the sex towel. It’s a huge hazard and the fumes are not good for you to breathe in, but hey–small price to pay for keeping Mom from finding your dirty sex towel secret. You’re a sexually active woman who likes a clean bed and your mother must never know!!!
With these tips, you can live your life loving your mom, loving your sex towel, and not having to compromise.
