There comes a point in every woman’s life where she must face the truth: the moment you pick up the remote and select another episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and finally admit to yourself that you’re not watching it ironically. After years and years of lying to yourself, it’s time for you to own up to the fact that it’s 2017 and, girl, you have very sincerely kept up with the Kardashians. Here are the phases you’ll go through as you finally come to terms with your own reality:
Denial: The Kourtney Stage
Much like Kourtney, you have spent more than a decade aggressively unaware of your reality. Sure, you started watching the Kardashians by saying, “I’m just going to watch this ironically” to an empty room. But now, you have specific opinions about which Take Miami spinoff was better: Kourtney and Kim or Kourtney and Khloe. This has become real for you. Very real.
Anger: The Khloe Stage
Once out of the denial stage, it’s normal to fly into a fit of rage. Take out that anger on your loved ones like Khloe does when she’s emotionally distressed. Did you just think of three examples where that has happened? Just let that wave of rage wash over you. This is happening. You are a true fan.
Bargaining: The Kendall Stage
Now you’re in the stage where Kendall was in season 12, episode 13, “Controversies and Legacies.” You know, the episode where she considered using her influential platform to speak out on gun control, tried to figure out a way to do it the whole episode, and ultimately decided it would be hard because people might get mad at her for it, so she decided to do nothing. That’s you except you’re attempting to figure out how you can keep watching Kardashians without acknowledging your very genuine interest in their lives and wellbeing. Newsflash: It can’t be done.
Depression: The Rob Stage
You’re sad and you just want to hide yourself from the world so you can eat chicken nuggets. That’s understandable, but remember that you still have a future ahead of you, this does not have to be your undoing. You could get into a volatile relationship, have a baby, and make a TV show about it. Try not to get too down on yourself or linger too long in this stage. Resisting your fandom only makes things worse.
Acceptance: The Kim Stage
Now it’s time for you to Kim Up and accept your circumstances. The Kardashians have built an empire and they couldn’t have done that without the support of a huge chunk of humanity. No one is watching ironically anymore. You celebrated when Kim got back on social media after Paris. You have ranked the Kardashian babies from fly-to-boring. You just bought a lip kit and there’s no turning back. You love Kardashians.
Now that you’ve completed the stages, go back to watching their Snapchat stories more often than you watch your friends’ and families’. You will feel better after the relief of acknowledging your Kardashian truth.
