We’ve all been there: You’re having a great time with your friends, then things get a bit out of hand, and before you know it you are badly, life-threateningly injured. Everyone else is still having a great time, though, and you don’t want to seem like a downer by calling for the medical assistance you desperately need, so here are some quick tips for how to call an ambulance without ruining the vibe!
Crack a few jokes.
One of the best ways to avoid making things awkward (and thus killing the vibe) is to joke about your own pain! Suddenly, it’s self-deprecating, not a terrifying medical emergency. Instead of calling 911 and saying your femur is protruding out of your mangled flesh, just say something like “Uh, yeah, I think I might need a little help,” while smirking at all your friends. Alternatively, if the 911 operator asks you any questions about your current state, just keep saying “Can you believe this guy?” while pointing at your phone. Your friends will find this hilarious, and the vibe will remain intact even as you’re carted away in unbearable agony.
Insist on picking up the bar tab.
The best way to distract from selfishly calling an ambulance and pulling attention away from a banger night is to yell that everyone’s next round is on you. Any concern your friends have for your wellbeing will be immediately supplanted with joy at the thought of more tequila shots. Vibe secured, and femur absolutely destroyed.
Text 911 instead of calling.
Calling 911 makes your injury seem like a big deal worth ruining the vibe for (yuck!). So to be truly discreet, don’t even call; just text 911. And while you’re at it, text them something that emphasizes how chill you are, like, “Hey! Emergency here — please help, but no worries if not!” You don’t want anyone to be worried about you, even if that’s kind of a medic’s whole job, because tonight is about the vibes, baby! Vibes!
So the next time you find yourself if a bit of a pickle (horrifically injured and throwing up from intense pain) use these tips to get the help you need without making it into a whole thing. After all, you don’t want to put a stop to all the fun—you want these guys to like you!