How to Be Your Own Best Friend While Your Actual Best Friend Is Using the Restroom

Your best friend: Ugh, isn’t she just the best? Seriously, what in God’s name would you do without her? She’s always there to ask you about your day, keep you in check, and point out which silhouettes aren’t super flattering for your figure. She’s just real like that, and you wouldn’t have her any other way. And we’re sure if it were up to you, you’d probably never leave her side. But unfortunately for your friendship, she has a small, functional bladder.


Spending every waking moment with your BFF just isn’t practical. For instance, let’s say you’re out at dinner and she has to use the restroom. “Cool, I’ll come with,” you say, but instead of giving you a gesture of approval, she heaves a labored sigh and says, “No it’s okay, I’ll be quick!” And, like, what are you supposed to do? Not abide by her wishes? No way. So while your #1 is indisposed, it’s important to practice being your own best friend. You won’t be as amazing of a friend as your bestie, but you’re at least a solid temporary solution. Here’s how to get started:



Validate yourself as an independent entity.

It may have been a while since you’ve thought about yourself outside the context of your relationship with your bestie. That being said, when your sun-moon-and-stars leaves to go to the restroom, you may suddenly feel as though you no longer exist. But don’t panic. Take a minute to lift up your hands in front of your face and stare at them in utter amazement. Give yourself the compliments and support that she would, by saying things like, “He will call you back soon. He probably just can’t stop thinking about how hot you are.” Remind yourself in this moment that you are in fact your own person, even when your favorite person is in the can.


Get to know yourself better.

Take this opportunity to reacquaint yourself with yourself. Ask your temp best friend (which, just a reminder, is you) some icebreaker questions such as, “What are your favorite movies?” and “What country would you most like to visit?” As she responds in a predictable way, and you realize you’ve heard these answers before try not to audibly groan when she gives you the most tiresome, cliché answers imaginable. I can’t believe you love Armageddon!



Try counting?

Obviously, this chick is a pretty piss-poor substitute for the real deal. It’s like hanging out with your sister, so it seems like the best thing to do at this point is to just accept defeat. But still, you should try to keep yourself busy while you wait for your actual best friend to return. So maybe, we don’t know, just start counting or something? 1…2…3…4…


…302…304…305…SHE’S BACK! And boy, is she a sight for sore eyes. As she texts through the rest of your meal and doesn’t even attempt to pay when the waiter brings the check, remember how lucky you are not to have to spend another minute with that trash-bag best friend replacement that is you.